Written by Andrew Baugh. Media by Mikey Courtney.
When one is in the middle of a crime, the last thing they want is to be caught with their pants down. Anthony Jason Garcia can attest to this after a botched robbery attempt of a church gift shop in Orlando, California. After praying in the sanctuary of the church, Garcia headed toward the gift shop, grabbed the cash register, and bolted. Unfortunately for him, church maintenance director Joe Larkin was in hot pursuit. As the chase continued, Garcia’s pants did not want to be seen as an accomplice and decided to fall. Garcia struggled to hold both the cash register and his trousers; Larkin saw his opportunity and leapt for Garcia, pulling his pants down even further and tripping the assailant. Police arrived and Garcia was arrested on a felony robbery charge. And to think, Garcia could have avoided this problem entirely if he had just taken the advice of American Idol auditioner General Larry Platt in his hit song “Pants on the Ground.” You were indeed “looking like a fool with your pants on the ground,” Mr. Garcia.
Ah, philosophy. It’s that wonderful thing that makes us question “why.” Why are we here? Why does evil exist? Why was Smash Mouth ever popular? Get ready to add a new question to this list—why would you shoot someone over Kant? An argument between two men in a grocery store over the 18th century philosopher Immanuel Kant in the Russian city of Rostov-on-Don resulted in one man shooting the other. The perpetrator shot the victim with a pistol firing rubber bullets after the philosophy debate turned sour. The assailant was apprehended and the injured man was taken to the hospital with no fatal wounds. I’m no philosophy major, but I don’t believe shooting the other party is the proper way to win a debate. Oh, and Han shot first.
In 2006, an influential film graced cinemas across the country—Snakes on a Plane. Most audiences took this Samuel L. Jackson movie to be merely a silly premise; they were wrong. A Qantas flight in Sydney, Australia was halted last Sunday when a Mandarin rat snake was found in the cabin of the plane. The snake posed no threat to humans, but officials are still baffled how the little guy got on the plane in the first place. The Agriculture Department of Australia stated that it “was looking into how the snake came to be on the plane, but isn’t able to speculate at this time.” The snake was seized by the Department of Agriculture and exterminated to be certain that no foreign diseases would be introduced to the country. If Snakes on a Plane is any indication, this snake situation is just beginning. In ten years, you won’t be complaining about the impossible-to-open bags of peanuts on your flight; you’ll be complaining about the python in the seat next to you who ate your iPhone 4s.