Written by Tyler Lamb with Charlie Pixley. Media by Austin Stephens.
Hollywood has been saturated with so many unoriginal properties. Reboots is most certainly one of them. From the only FIVE year gap between the Superman and Spiderman movies before rebooting them, to the decades gap for a movie like Robocop, they are happening almost every year. It usually leaves the question of what will be done next, and what should or shouldn’t be touched. Well, I’m here to answer the question of what should be remade next with what actors in this very first rendition of Top Five.
Let’s be honest, who even remembers ANY of the Godfather movies? Ok, I guess some would consider the original a classic and all, and that’s why I’m saying we redo the second one. Let’s pull a Bryan Singer and pay homage to the classic but at the same time making a some sort of weird reboot/sequel that forgets the other movies besides the first one existed. It’s really smart if you think about it. I mean honestly…what good reason is there possibly for this not to happen? Vin Diesel would obviously star as the titular role, and in typical fashion wouldn’t even have to act considering his voice is already so mumbly. Really it’s just a match made in heaven when you sit and think about it for, lets say, two seconds. The rest of the cast doesn’t matter as much, considering Vin would be able to carry it all on his own and make it something greater than the original.
This was a biopic about one of the best and most famous rappers of all time, Notorious B.I.G., that came out a few years past, that didn’t hit as hard as it should have. This had to have been due to a lackluster cast (I mean Anthony Mackie…need I say more?). That’s why this time around multi academy award winner Daniel Day-Lewis must come in as B.I.G. with Topher Grace playing his buddy and later rival Tupac and Meryl Streep as his love interest, Lil Kim. Again, another clear cut pick for top reboots, this movie would go a long with with a DDL interpretation of Notorious himself. Even better, maybe we can get Spielberg in to give his direction for the movie. The point is, the world must see this story properly told and the only way it can be is with Day-Lewis, Grace, and Streep with their amazing on screen presence together.
The first Terminator movie hasn’t aged too well. There needs to be a fresh take on this Cameron dump and Schwarzenegger is out. Of course, we need someone who can carry the same raw, fear-inducing presence as he did, but on a higher scale. I know what you’re thinking: there is clearly only one choice of actor who delivers this amazing power in every on screen presence. For the ones who are a little slow to the get, the clear choice to play the next on screen Terminator in a reboot is none other than the brilliant Luis Guzmán. From this point on, I really have no need to justify the reason behind wanting to do a reboot of the film. You can clearly see how revolutionary Guzmán would be in this role, bringing Schwarzenegger to shame, most likely having us even forget about the Governator completely.
Yeah yeah yeah, this may have been one of the most colossal flops of all time, and thats why it needs a reboot. Give us somebody we want to see in a balloon next to a bunch of adults inside of weird Teletubbies like costumes. Clearly this person is Sandra Bullock. Bringing her into the fold will give the life to the movie that should have become a series. Maybe then they would be able to earn back the millions of dollars spent in advertising and budgeting the first movie itself that was lost the first time around. The movie may have only come out last year, but it should still be rebooted asap. I mean honestly, is there really anyone who remembers the original, except for the ones being told about it right now? Well, of course the, like, 200 people who saw it in theaters know about it, but I’m sure they forgot. Make this movie happen so they will never be reminded again.
Lets be honest, we need something to cleanse our pallet of this reboot that just came out. This time around we get Dakota Fanning to play Carrie, and the crazy mom will be portrayed by Sofía Vergara. This way it can be an actual reboot and it won’t hold to the original so much as this one with Chloe what’s-her-face does. Vergara would be able to portray the mother perfectly, as she already seems to play a shouting, out of touch, super crazy mother in the sitcom Modern Family. This is another that needs to be done as soon as possible, so we can quickly forget about the 2013 reboot and will only ever want to talk about this masterpiece.