November: The Height of Laziness
Written by Madeline Kohlberg. Media by Denee Menghini.
I know what you’re thinking. Lazy and November in the same sentence? As if!
We’re all aware of how busy November is for all of us. Presentations, papers, exams, projects, sports, and more all come together to make our lives utterly insane. With so much on our plates, it’s incredible if we are able to make any time for ourselves. Those instances are a blessing, and I think that we all want to use our precious free time to the fullest. So would you want to waste said time? Of course you wouldn’t.
I would like to propose an event that will not only help you to be lazy, but it also will help you to raise awareness for a very good cause.
The concept is simple. Stop shaving for the month of November. Wait, whoa, I can already hear the gasps of horror and disbelief. Just hear me out. This is an official event, known by the name of No-Shave November. The goal is to raise awareness for cancer by embracing our hair, which is something that many cancer patients lose. When you let your hair grow free, you can donate the money that you would have spent on hair-removal and grooming products to cancer research. All you have to do is sit back and let your hair grow. Why not let yourself relax a bit for a good cause?
And, believe it or not, there are actually rules for this event.
Nov. 1: Razors are stowed, indifference ignited. Noshember begins.
Nov. 1-7: The week of scratching that itch. Push yourself, control the desire to shave and relieve the itchiness.
First Wednesday: Itch hump day.
Nov. 7: Day of Gnashing of Teeth.
Nov. 14: Finally the men don’t look ridiculous.
Nov. 14: Finally the women do look ridiculous.
Thanksgiving Quoth Flan: “Moms and grandmothers just don’t understand.”
Nov. 27: Finally the boys or follicularly-challenged do look ridiculous.
Nov. 30: Photograph day. Take your best hair exhibiting celebration photos. You have truly completed something great.
Dec. 1: Great festival of many razors. Shaving commences.
Dec. 2-24: Careful planning and shaping of your follicle resources grown and nurtured above your upper lip.
Dec. 25: Mustache Christmas Morning. The subsequent greatest day of the year. Time to creep some people out.
Affectionately known as “Noshember,” this event is for guys and girls alike. Let your beard grow proud and let your legs go free! It’s cold enough to wear long pants and scarves anyway. We may be several days into November now, but that’s no reason not to jump on the bandwagon. Stow your razors, and join in!
And, of course, as it was written, “Do not cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip off the edges of your beard.” Leviticus 19:27