Written by Trent Johnson. Media by Jessica Sturgeon.
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Climate scientists were shocked this week when a new discovery concerning global warming was announced that turned the field on its head. Long had it been believed
that atmospheric CO2 levels were to blame for the world-wide change in climates, but a new study by a leading scientist from the International Coalition of ClimateScientists and Artic Mammal Aficionados (ICCSAM), Dr. Emma Lyin proves that this could not be further from the truth.
Dr. Lyin, who is more of a Polar Bear Aficionado than a Climate Scientist, was doing research on the declining polar bear populations, which is often claimed to be one of the numerous results of global warming. In a press release, Dr. Lyin said, “For years I’ve been watching the polar bears die as the global temperature went up, and I assumed it was an effect to a cause, just like everyone else. Then I started to take a closer look, and it turns out the opposite is true!” During her five year study, Dr. Lyin has determined that the declining polar bear population is actually the CAUSE for global warming, not an effect of it. “I don’t see how we didn’t notice it sooner,” she said during her speech to announce her findings, “Everywhere you see polar bears, the temperature is much colder than other places where there are none. Have you ever been to the zoo and noticed that the polar bear enclosure has a much lower temperature than the grizzly bear and black bear exhibits on either side? This is what first made me think about polar bears’ effects on the global climate.”
Dr. Lyin says that we still have a long way to go in determining what other artic animals may produce this chilling effect on the environment, and that this discovery is the first step towards fixing the environment. There has also been talk of the ICCSAM joining forces with the International Coalition of Climate Scientists and Other Artic Animal Aficionados (ICCSOAAA) to research this phenomenon, though the two groups have a bitter rivalry between them concerning which type of arctic animal is the most important.
In other news, Al Gore has been stripped of his Nobel Peace Prize due to his work misleading scientists for so many years. Mr. Gore was unavailable for comment at the time of writing this article.
