Written by Erin Lobner. Media by Courtney Murphy.
The grandfather clock in the hallway chimes midnight at the same time another bolt of lightning flashes outside and wakes you. Just as you try to go back to sleep, you think you hear something in the attic. The ceiling creaks again, and you pick up your phone to try to call a friend, only to find there’s no service. So you, being the daring hero, decide to go investigate by yourself. You tiptoe through the house until you get to the attic ladder. Climbing up slowly, you peer into the darkness and whisper “Hello?” Then you pull yourself all the way up, begin to investigate, and–Boom!
Has anyone else watched this scene unfold in basically every horror movie ever? I find myself wondering if the person searching for the ghost/monster/intruder has never seen a scary movie before. If they had, they probably would have done things differently, right?
Luckily, I have watched my fair share of horror movies. As a result, I’ve learned a couple things that I would do differently in the stereotypical situation presented above. So today I would like to share with you a few life lessons we can use, should we find ourselves in need.
First of all, always turn the lights on. Unless the movie is set in a time when there was no electricity, I don’t want to hear an excuse for not even trying the light switch. Okay, so maybe that thunderstorm knocked the power out–grab a flashlight. Life lesson from “The Conjuring”: a match just doesn’t cut it.
Next, do not say “Hello.” Whatever made the noise is not going to answer you, I promise. Side note, don’t reply with “It’s me,” in the theater while watching the horror movie, or your roommate might explode from trying to hold in her laughter. But seriously, it’s probably better to go stealth mode while searching your house than to give the mystery visitor a heads up.
The third life lesson is to find some kind of weapon. Please. I don’t care if it’s a spork–it’s still better than investigating completely unarmed, especially if you are the brave-but-petite woman who feels compelled to check things out. Although, I suppose the best of weapons might not do much against a ghost, but you can always hope, right?
Finally, if you’re lucky enough to have a group of friends trapped in a scary situation with you, don’t split up. If you watched a lot of “Scooby Doo” as a kid, then you’re probably familiar with Fred’s catchphrase: “Let’s split up, gang!” No. Don’t do it. Don’t trust the guy wearing an ascot. There’s actually safety in numbers, so just hunt down the creepy creature as a group.
I hope you found these life lessons helpful. Now that you know how to avoid being a horror movie cliche, I encourage you to get together with some friends for a scary movie. Or, if you’re not a big fan of being scared, check out some funny scary pranks like this one instead!