Change.org is a fascinating place. While it lends exposure to causes that otherwise might not have a platform, on the other hand, it serves as a sort of satire hub for some of the Internet’s more…creative individuals. Generally speaking, petitions hosted on Change.org should be created to benefit an actual cause or bring attention to an actual problem, but the gray area begins to grow immediately, as (supposedly) every cause has some legitimate supporters, or at the very least, some representatives who will take the credibility hit in order to keep their gag rolling. Below is a list of some of the more entertaining petitions hosted on Change.org. This gets weird.
Sell Montana to Canada for $1 Trillion to Eliminate the National Debt
Starting the list is a petition to sell off Montana to our Canadian brethren to the tune of one trillion dollars. There is a lot going on with this one, but all the information must be gleaned from between the lines, as all that the petition author offered is that the States have “too much debt and Montana is useless. Just tell them it has beavers or something.” Firstly, Montana is a vast green treasure, home to just over a million people who cannot find any other state borders to get out safely. Second, the U.S. is currently sitting at over 20 trillion dollars in debt, so selling off Montana makes but a dent in the total.
Denmark, the scenic mess of islands and seascape between Sweden and Germany, is apparently in need of a new name (according to 37 signees and counting). Unfortunately for the passionate individuals seeking to change things up, there are about six million people sparsely dotting their landmass who would need some convincing. It is worth noting that many other petitions exist urging the name change, with the most frequently referenced idea being to name it Legoland, as the blocks that built many a childhood are of Danish origin.
This one makes a surprising amount of sense. For anyone familiar with the Doom franchise, Doomguy takes a hardline stance against demons, is probably Catholic, and is an all-around likable dude. These characteristics make him well qualified for the position of the pope should it ever become available to him. While it is difficult to find any statistics on how well Doomguy is received within the church, it is approaching a universal consensus that kids should not play it. The jury is out on whether violence in video games has a substantial effect on violent behavior in children, but that is for another article.
This is a strange petition indeed, but it is difficult to argue with. The author of the petition states, “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.” The comments chime in unison, “AAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAA,” and one could only think back to the writings of Emily Dickinson and occasionally William Blake, concise, but perhaps containing a deeper meaning. While the immediate implication is accessible to the everyman, the intricacies still tickle the minds of the poetically inclined.
One of the noblest petitions on Change.org is a request to cancel the sun. While noble, it is anything but publicized. The petition has well under 100 signatures. While the sun is necessary for several vital functions on earth, such as photosynthesis and tanning, it is equally responsible for international disasters such as mild sunburns and over-ripening of soft skinned fruit. While it is certainly pleasant to stare into from time to time (namely 12pm-3pm in North America), the sun is largely unnecessary since the invention of the LED (itself still subject to some scrutiny [apparently]). Despite all of this, the sun still holds a special place in the hearts of several flowers and a house in New Orleans.