Pros of the Con
Lately I had been hearing a lot of hearsay about these “nerds” and some sort of secret gathering they were going to uphold right under our noses. The rumor was that it would go by the code name of “Wizard World Comic Con” and would be held in the America’s Center in Saint Louis. I decided to go out on a scouting mission and see what all the hubbub was about. Was this group planning an uprising? Should we be scared? I was going in to find out. I would socialize with the antisocial, be personal with the personally dull, and live among the losers for one weekend. Here is my account of the events that followed.
First I knew I needed to dress the part. I wouldn’t go all out and do what the locals call “cosplay”, but still I needed to fit in. I figured a pair of glasses and a stock Superman t-shirt would do. As I entered the room I was immediately greeted with “hey Clark!” and children yelling at their dad to look at me. It worked, I was in. I decided to start my research on this organization and see what they were planning. As I walked around, I noticed the first threat. Men under the code names of Lou Ferrigno, Jason David Frank, Henry Winkler, and Tom Felton
were behind desks talking to specific guests who payed. These must have been higher ups in the society that were talking to him. As I stole a glance, I noticed Lou was clearly one of their tanks, a brute, and couldn’t have been the brains behind the operation. The others didn’t seem to have the right amount of following with them to be the leaders either, even though apparently Jason David Frank was once a leader of something. It was made obvious as the day went by that, by looking at their artwork, most of the members had never seen a woman in real life before. I decided this could be a weakness of the group, wrote it down, and moved on. Not much activity was seen within the first day, but I did take some pictures, still in character of course. I couldn’t let them find me out just after day one. I decided I needed to go deeper, and be more like them. We will see what tomorrow holds.
This was a gold mine of a day. I’m pretty sure I finally found the mastermind behind it all, the man behind the curtain, the puppet master tugging the strings, Stan Lee. There was a special “VIP” package that the highest echelon were apart of, where they went into a secret room to meet with this Mr. Lee, and discuss what only God knows for now. I continued my act and moved in deeper achieving the goal of entering a more open, less secret paneling of this Stan where he discussed numerous things and the nerds gave him gifts and lined up to ask questions. After delving into what the man said I could not find any hidden messages or agendas of world domination, but only time will tell. I found that I was… enjoying myself as the day went on. Why was I giving a standing ovation to this Stan Lee? Why was I laughing at Jon Shea’s anecdotes about Dean Cain? Was I being brainwashed? Either way I had yet to be compromised and found the need to uncover the secrets they were holding and how they were gaining control over me. To further help with my ruse, I made a few purchases and even got Stan “The Mans” autograph. I was making my mark on the group and knew that only time would reveal their darkest secrets. Hopefully tomorrow I will figure out what this is all about and put an end to it.
The Stan Lee Panel from the St. Louis Comic Con
There was a raging storm today that almost kept me from going, but I needed to find out more. I have a conspiracy that this storm was implemented by the higher ups in the group to weed out the weaker members. Who knows if this is in fact the truth. I attended the panel of one Billy Dee Williams on this day. I’m not sure what came over me but I was laughing and next thing I knew I was asking him a question. The power that came over me can not be explained. Was this joy? Amusement? Entertainment? I am afraid it was all of the above. As the day came winding down I no longer was portraying a character. The tricks I played to further my involvement, like purchasing the instruction manuals known as “comic books”, was now happening without ulterior motives. I ended up in a Batman and Psychology panel, finding myself at the forefront of a trivia contest on Batman. I came out the victor, out-nerding the nerds, besting the best, and even mentally scoffing at the ones who claimed there were 7, 9, or even 10 live action Batman movies. I was no longer a spy trying to infiltrate a secret society, I was now apart of the group I once misunderstood and feared. I now realize the previous errors of my way. These men and, believe it or not, women were not losers, personally dull, or antisocial. Those were mere generalizations of a greater more magnificent bunch of individuals who had unlocked something. This something was their inner child. I see now that this is what we all strive for, but yet are afraid to let free at times. This brave group has overcome those fears and proudly walks among the rest, revealing who they truly are, and I am now proud to consider myself one of the many. I will forever go on as a representative of this lively bunch and one day hope to speak on their behalf. This wasn’t brainwashing, it was just pure unadulterated fun that I had not previously experienced. There will never be anything that can turn me away from what I am now, what I will be for the rest of my life, and the enjoyment I would want all of humanity to experience. I am a nerd.
Celebrity photos taken from IMDB