Left Behind

Written and Media by Jake Cannon.

Image from http://leftbehindmovie.com/
Image from http://leftbehindmovie.com/

If you have ever wandered the eclectic and germ-infested aisles of a Goodwill, you’re bound to see three very common things in each store: A couch that smells like someone just blew smoke on it all day, stuffed animals covered in lice, and Christian eschatology books; namely the infamous Left Behind series. You can find the entire series neatly stacked next to every Tom Clancy book known to man and an unknown romance novel. I myself am a fan of the Left Behind series and not because it’s comprised of sixteen books. Whoever had the idea to turn it into a film series had a lot of work to do. So in 2000 Cloud Ten Productions hired Kirk Cameron and released a God-awful film trilogy based on the series. You would think that Kirk Cameron would be able to bump up the credibility of any Christian film but unfortunately it takes something called good writing/directing/editing/special-effects to make a film worthy of our short attention spans. So twelve years later, the same production company thought it would be in their best interest to remake their mistake. So in order to right their wrongs they hired Nicolas Cage, Ashley Tisdale, and Chad Michael Murray to star in their remake.

Nicolas Cage
Nicolas Cage. Image from http://www.dreammoviecast.com/

Mistake #1: Allowing a low-budget Christian film company to make a movie about a global rapture.

Mistake #2: Nicolas Cage

Mistake #3, 4 and 5: Ashley Tisdale.

Really? Ashley Tisdale, who is best known for her work on the High School Musical Trilogy and Chad Michael Murray who is known for that soap opera about a tree? I don’t mean to be mean, but really Cloud Ten?

Not to harp on Nicolas Cage because he’s had some really solid films (Raising Arizona and National Treasure anyone?) I just don’t know if casting Balthazar from The Sorcerer’s Apprentice in an apocalyptic Christian film is going to help. Not to mention the series author, Tim LaHaye, told Christian Post he hates the script.

‘It’s probably the worst script I’ve ever read,’ LaHaye told CP. ‘And I’ve read scores of them. The plot line is nothing like the book. The only thing they retain are the names of the people, and maybe places,’ LaHaye added. ‘There is no redemptive value to this movie,’ he continued, while acknowledging that ‘it’s got a lot of intrigue.’

It’s going to take more than intrigue to salvage the already poor street credit this film has attained. Production will take place this Spring and will be released later this year or early 2014. Hopefully Jesus will come back before then.

Prediction: Nicolas Cage will become the anti-Christ by selling his soul to the devil and becoming the Ghost Rider.


    • They recently released the poster of it in February so it renewed interest/criticisms of the film thus making the story itself recent and/or relevant.

  1. Jake, your introduction is powerful. But not in any good way. It comes off elitist, mean, and very discriminatory to anyone who a) has the need to shop at a goodwill or b) wants to. I think this message portrays more than what you would want it to about your thoughts on the impoverished and poverty culture. This doesn’t sound like it came from the authorship of a compassionate person. Be careful, my friend.

    • Krysta, what you just wrote cannot possibly be serious. No human being possible of reason and logic could possibly believe that what Jake wrote in this article was intended as serious or was in any way derogatory to the impoverished. It’s sad to think that there are really people in this world who have nothing better to do than reply to purposefully humorous articles with words intended only to make themselves look pious. You need to reevaluate what it is you’re doing if you think that your opinion, in any way, represents reality or the truth. Your inability to understand an article doesn’t give you the privilege to demonize others in an attempt to make yourself look good.

    • Krysta, you’re taking things that are meant to be sarcastic and tongue-in-cheek and accusing me of being un-compassionate. Really? I love Goodwill. I love thrift stores. I love shopping and perusing the aisles of Goodwill. I don’t think I need to defend myself anymore than that because quite frankly your comment is outlandish and silly considering the sarcastic tone of the article.

  2. Dude. Don’t be dissing one tree hill. It is not about a tree. It is about the social construct of modern society. It highlighted real issues such as sexism, racism, assault, and bullying, and raised money for cancer research. From reading a bunch of your posts, the show did more good in the world than you are doing. It’s not even about OTH, or this article. You just sound arrogant despite your claim of sarcasm, which I don’t mean as an insult, just truth. You’ve got talent as a writer, but please, find a better avenue to showcase it.

    • I’m sure OTH has done a lot of ‘good for the world.’ I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible. I thank you for your compliment and I’m sure your comment on this post has done a lot of good for the world.

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