Written by Dr. Nathan W. Crews; Media by Kat Kelley.
Hello Readers! I hope that everyone has their dinner reservations in place, flowers ordered, and assurances that your parents won’t swing by the house Valentine’s night. Valentine’s Day is a wonderful night of companionship and bliss for some and wretched reminder of the inconsolable loneliness that exists in the soul for most. Do not be dismayed! I would like to dedicate this article to you who haven’t found a date for Cupid’s day yet. And not only will I find you a date, it will be a date that will leave everyone jealous. It will be a date that will have the mouths of your friends gaping in disbelief. It will be a night you will never forget. Allow me to present: Celebrities You Can Ask Out For Valentine’s Day! All you need is a little courage and my instruction. Let’s get started.
Why She’s Available– She’s one of the loveliest ladies in pop music and she can be your valentine if you play your cards right. All the gossip websites will tell you that she is currently dating pop icon/resident D-bag John Mayer. (He’s super talented, though. No hate there.) Let’s be honest with ourselves: given John Mayer’s dating history, he doesn’t come off as the most romantic guy. I would wager that he didn’t even make plans with Katy Perry for Valentine’s Day. This is where you come in. Since she is available, Katy Perry is the perfect candidate for a Valentine’s Day date that will impress your friends.
How To Do It – What I’ve learned about Katy Perry from all those Hollywood parties I’ve been to with her is that she is fun and down to earth. You are going to need to be funny. I would suggest stalking her from the moment she leaves her house, “accidentally” stumbling into her at a swank coffee shop, and making some funny small chat with her. She’ll become intrigued and comforted by your presence. Finish the conversation with asking her to dinner on Valentine’s Day. You’re home free.
Why He’s Available – If there are two things that women know about George Clooney, it’s that he’s incredibly handsome and persistently unmarried. George Clooney is constantly moving from girlfriend to girlfriend, never committing to one or the other. All you have to do is get him for one February night, and that shouldn’t be a problem. A word of warning – he most definitely will not be alone on Valentine’s night. You may face some stiff competition for this date.
How To Do It – One thing is for certain: it’s going to take class. I suggest buying a nice, black cocktail dress. Cocktail dresses scream class. Here is where things get tricky: you shouldn’t ask him to a date before Valentine’s Day- you are going to have to make your move the night of. Make a dinner reservation at the same restaurant where George Clooney will be on February 14th. Before George and his date sit at their seats, they will inevitably grab a quick drink at the bar and his date will leave for the bathroom to check her makeup. This is where you make your move, and you must be quick. Approach George in your cocktail dress and appear to be mysterious. This is where George Clooney will drop his previous date and have a seat with you. It’s a flawless plan that will be sure to secure a night on the town with one of the world’s most handsome men.
Why He’s Available– With this one you are going to need to give up some things, like good looks, a charming personality, and basically anything that you would want in a date. The good news is that he is definitely a celebrity, so it still counts. I really don’t think I need to go into too much detail about why he’s available.
How To Do It – Pretty easy, really. I would just drop him an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. Enjoy your night with one of America’s most revered comedians.
So there you have it, readers. If you don’t already have a date with a loved one, this list of celebrity dates is sure to give you a night to remember. Make sure you take pictures and obviously you’ll still need to bring chocolates and flowers. Even for Carrot Top. Enjoy your Valentine’s Day, and remember: every kiss begins with Kay.