Written by Logan Welliver. Media by Paul Anderson.
On March 25, 2014 the virtual reality company Oculus announced that it was being acquired by the social media giant Facebook. The founder and CEO of Facebook released this statement on the acquisition,
I know many people are asking about why Facebook bought Oculus and how we at Facebook are going to aid the future of gaming. The answer is, we’re not. We think that gaming is dead and that people who use their time for gaming is a waste. We think that virtual reality in gaming is far too simple of a goal for what this technology could achieve. Instead Facebook is firing everyone from Oculus and picking up the development on our own. We are improving the technology to incorporate the entire body and working with the government to get everybody in America an “Oculus Ripped” unit. This way we will be able to connect everybody, all the time and turn the whole into a bunch of tech-dependent zombies. We are imagining a world in which people don’t go to work and spend their days surfing the Internet for hours on end. We at Facebook don’t want to capture a new market, we believe that with this technology that we can usher in a new evolution of the human race.
Not long after this Facebook’s stock jumped up 500% and are now valued at 6 trillion dollars. It is expected that the deal with the government will no longer be valid once Facebook buys out the government. Mark Zuckerberg will soon replace Obama as the President of the United States. The position will change to CEO of the United States of Facebook. Obama also released a statement on this matter. “I have nothing to say, I’ve been a horrible president and I believe that Zuckerberg will be able to capitalize on the workforce to turn this truly great country into a truly great corporation. “